To Love Somebody

Three weeks have passed since Eisley joined our family. I don't know how to describe it, but she is perfect for us; she was made with the biggest dose of curiosity, just enough stubbornness, and too much sweetness to belong to anyone else.

Almost daily I think about all the little details of how she came into our lives, partly so I won't forget them and partly because I can't believe it actually happened. I had a lot of ideas about how her birth would happen, while still having limited expectations. I know I havent shared her birth story yet, but as much as it unfolded in a way i never expected, it was exactly what I needed it to be. What happened in those long hours have since given me so much comfort because I know just how far Jakub and I were pushed to our limits, and we are far stronger (together and individually) than I imagined.

It was the perfect way to start the journey into parenting: with all expectations thrown out the window and learning to take it moment by moment, knowing that we're capable of handling whatever comes. I feel so much stronger knowing that we made it through something I didn't want to happen, rather than my ideal scenario playing out.

I'm so glad that was our starting point as parents because things certainly haven't been as easy as I imagined. And it's even more important, knowing that every ounce of strength used in labor and the moments since, have clearly not come from my own doing.

While some days--and most nights--have been tough, this has been the absolute sweetest time of life. I've been filled with love and passion, and a hope about things that I hope only grows with time.
I'm pretty thankful for this little woman. In only three weeks she has taught me so much about humility, love, and peace.

It's so cliche but I didn't know this depth of love before miss Eisley James came on the scene and wrecked my world. It's a shame knowing she will have to live in this world for so many years before she has children of her own and finally gets let in on this secret kind of love. I guess I'll just have to smother her with kisses until she can feel it for herself.

A New Kind of Life

Let me tell you something... this past week has been nothing short of amazing. Little Eisley James Hartlieb was born last Tuesday, October 2, at 7:42 p.m. It's still hard to know exactly how to put into words what this little lady has done to my life. I knew I would have a love like never before, but to experience that love is completely different from just knowing that kind of love exists.

Not only have I experienced a deep love for my little girl, but my love and respect for Jakub has been expanded in ways I didn't know was possible or necessary. I thought I loved him as much as I could, but to go through the birth experience with him in such a vulnerable way, and for him to be my rock through it all, I am at a loss for words to describe just how perfect he is for me. And to have the chance to witness him being transformed by this new life has been one of the greatest joys of my life. You'll have to excuse me but with all these hormones, I'm just a big pile of sap.

 This first week has gone by so quickly but I've loved every minute of it with the two loves of my life. I'm planning on writing about the story of her birth, but that will have to wait for a day when I have more time and more words. Right now I'll just say thank you to everyone who prayed for us or sent encouraging words our way. We feel quite blessed at this moment in time.

Almost There

The past four weeks have flown by and  my due date has come and gone. I've been dilated to 1 cm since our 38 week midwife appointment, with little improvement since. It hasn't been as hard as I'd imagined to stay patient while waiting for this little fella. The past week especially has been pretty wonderful with all of the spontaneous little "last dates" for breakfast and coffee, or exploring the town. We've also had some really special times with our friends and I think this week has been such a great send off to how life has been, and we're now ready for this little person to join our lives.

Throughout the pregnancy, certain people have checked in with me to see if we're ready to be parents, to have this baby in our lives. Even a week ago when asked, we both just kind of sat there and then slowly murmured out, "we'll see," pretty unsure of what it would even mean to be ready. But yesterday morning, Jakub and I had a short conversation about how we're completely ready for this new phase. Note that I didn't say fully competent...who knows how that happens! But we don't have any reservations or last wishes.

 

I've been incredibly humbled by the generosity and love I've felt from friends this past week, and I think it certainly helps to feel ready knowing we're surrounded by people who really care for us. My brother's girlfriend has done several incredibly sweet things for me this week, including lunch, prayer, and flowers just because. One dear friend painted my toes because I couldn't reach them anymore.  A wonderful couple invited us over for a meal and we spent the most entertaining evening with them. And one loving lady stopped by with some sweet treats last night, when I was feeling less than graceful. I don't want to forget these little acts of kindness because they have meant the world to me, and sustained me in this waiting period. Jakub and I certainly feel blessed to be cared for in such tangible ways.

Hopefully this baby will make its appearance within the next week (I'm actually 41 weeks today--just behind on updates, obviously) I can only imagine the sort of love it'll experience from those around us, because lets face it, our friends and family may think we're neat but we don't stand a chance when compared to the soft skin and sweet smell of a little baby.

One More Down

I'll cut to the chase... this week something wonderful happened. I'm talking so good that for the past several days, the memories come back so fresh, it's like I'm experiencing it all over again. I'm wary to share this with you because it may take over an inappropriate amount of your life, but I feel like I wouldn't be kind if I kept it to myself.

photo via

That's right. A blueberry peach cobbler with a crust so perfect, you'll eat way more than you should. I made this recipe when we had some of our favorite people over, and even though I was going to my midwife for a weigh-in the next day, I ate the entire "single serving" ramekin that was before me. Jakub made some whipped cream that we put on top, and it was such a good combination that I didn't care if I gained 8 lbs from it, I wasn't going to leave one bit of it behind.

If you need a simple recipe that means business, choose this one. I couldn't imagine being disappointed by it. Any occasion would be the perfect time to whip this up.

As you can tell, I'm much rounder this week than I have been in the past, and the cobbler may have had something to do with it. [Worth it.] I feel like my belly has just exploded over the last few weeks, and I can't wrap my mind around the idea that we just have four more weeks left. 

You'd think I never learned about the birds and the bees because I keep asking myself, "how does this happen?!"

 At the midwife appointment that I mentioned earlier, I had gained a total of 32 lbs! I haven't mentally struggled with the idea of gaining weight this whole pregnancy, but I still have a couple weeks left and I was hoping that sort of number might be my end weight gain ha. I'm not worried though because I've been healthy and I feel great. The midwife did say as she was feeling around that we may be looking at an 8 pound baby. Now, yes, that is a larger size than I was hoping for, but I'll take that any day over my lovely husband's 11 pound entrance into the world.

Speaking of babies, I was sorting old pictures at my granny's house this week and found several of when I was younger. I'll just say this: if this baby is anything like me it's gonna take some time to adjust to this whole "being cute" thing. The only positive I had going for me as a baby was that I had a lot of hair (albeit static in almost every picture). But I was a pretty decent toddler. I know everyone thinks their baby is cute, but I can't see myself being completely blinded by love into thinking we got a hottie on our hands. If, on the off change that I'm not blind, I'll at least be able to hold onto the idea of potential. Because if I can do it, you can do it too little baby. (This is not to say I'll love my baby any less if it's not drop dead gorgeous. We'll just come up with other adjectives to describe them than the typical, "ohh this is the most beautiful baby in the world!" And really, that could be a good thing because then we can teach our kid that there's so much more to life than appearances).

Take for example, when you look down to see your 36-week-pregnant  feet swollen for the first time to the point where you can't hardly put your shoes on that you were wearing just a few hours earlier. No matter how normal that is for this stage of pregnancy, that's a good time to be reminded that beauty isn't everything. It's also a good time to be thankful for not being pregnant in the winter, when you actually need to have shoes on to go back home.

Week 36 was great, and the start of week 37 was even better. I'll be back later to talk about that.

35th Week

Over the course of the last several months, there are certain things I've noticed nobody seems to mention about being pregnant. Here's just a few I can think of at the moment:

 

• While everyone talks about constantly needing to pee, no one says anything about the increased cost you'll spend on toilet paper over the course of a pregnancy. It's been so shocking to me how quickly I can go through that stuff now that I'm heading to the bathroom every 15-20 minutes of the day. I guess I could've put two and two together, but I feel like maybe this should be in at least one of those articles on baby websites about "budgeting for baby" because it's an expense I certainly didn't consider.
• Get ready to be handicapped, or at least made to feel that way. I've had numerous people question if I should be driving simply because I'm pregnant. I know they are coming from a place of love, but I couldn't help but laugh the first time I was asked this. I don't understand why having a baby inside me suddenly makes my life hazardous. Maybe my pride is keeping me oblivious to certain things but I don't feel like danger is lurking behind every corner. I'm an able-bodied person and if I'm capable of birthing a child, I think I can handle driving a car, taking a hike, or wearing high heels. Although to be honest, you will not catch me in high heels anymore. Not because it's dangerous, but because I am enjoying comfort these days and I don't think yoga pants go with high heels.
• Another thing that caught me by surprise is just how entrenched some people can be in societal norms that, when you don't go along with them, people can't seem to understand why you would possibly do that. We've made a lot of decisions for this baby that aren't typical of American norms (but they are still completely safe and rational), and each step of the way has been met with people utterly bewildered as to why we wouldn't just do what is normal. I was expecting to hear plenty of unsolicited advice when I got pregnant about how to give birth and raise my baby, but I didn't think nursery colors or deciding to cloth diaper would be topics up for discussion too. Everyone has the right to do things the way they see fit, and other people shouldn't worry about little details unless it poses a risk. However, I'm fairly certain that choosing not to decorate in traditional boy/girl color schemes will not harm the child's psyche.
• No one told me that I was not allowed to have normal feelings during pregnancy. Or that my normal feelings would be taken as raging pregnancy hormones, even when I was simply expressing an opinion, completely void of any "raging" tendencies. Don't you hate when it's your time of the month and when you respond a certain way, someone puts it off as you PMSing? Well, after 8 straight months of that, it's gotten old. I am completely aware of the instances that my hormones made me react in a way other than I would ordinarily choose, and those instances have been very limited and Jakub is one of the only two individuals to witness them. And when my hormones do get the best of me, I am just a blubbering idiot, not a woman on a rampage. But, if you want me to go on a rampage, simply look at me crazy and tell me I'm being hormonal. Then I might turn into the pregnant version of the Hulk.
• Another thing no one mentioned is just how much it means when a perfect stranger tells you you look beautiful, or makes a sweet remark about your belly. A lot of times (in my experience) the people closest to you can respond to your changing body in ways that make you feel like you just busted into the room like the Kool Aid man. I'm sure their shock to how your growing is simply because, in all the time they've known you, you haven't had a 5.5 lb. baby inside of you. That's why it's nice to be in a place surrounded by strangers: they're seeing you for the first time, as a cute pregnant lady, and the chances that one of them saying something lovely is high. They're also more conscious of what they're saying to you. I've had the pleasure of having several people stop me just to tell me I'm beautiful pregnant, and it has always seemed to be when I needed to hear it the most. Having random people stop me to talk about my beauty is not something I'm used to, but it made me question: why aren't we all doing this to each other regularly?! It's an amazing thing and you should try it, whether you're pregnant or not.
• To be fair, a few people have told me this last one: it's really not that bad. I'm definitely in the phase where doing just about anything is inconvenient or uncomfortable, but people make pregnancy out to be so much worse than it really is. Maybe it all depends on your mindset and if you believe in all the stereotypical b.s., but my pregnancy has been great. Yes, I have broken down and told Jakub that I'm ready for the baby to come out, but it's purely for selfish reasons like when I want to sleep on my stomach, or fit into pants, or have a glass of wine. Just the other week, a woman at the flea market stopped to tell me that it's really not that bad. That people who have had bad experiences want to tell you all about it, but the people who had great experiences don't feel the need to stop you and tell you all the things you need to do or all the things that are sure to happen. She was referring to childbirth, but I think the same can be said for pregnancy. While I haven't gone through childbirth yet, I have gotten married, and people were doing the same thing with marriage. When we were engaged, just about all we heard was people saying, "oh, get ready..." blah blah blah. They made it seem like it was the end of happiness, and that the only way we could find happiness was to be the first one to make our spouse miserable. Yes, marriage can be hard work, but it's the most fun I've ever had. Pregnancy comes with it's inconveniences, but it's so rewarding and exciting to experience. And I can bet that childbirth, raising a baby, or any other new experience we have will have it's fill of difficulties, but will ultimately be outweighed by the goodness in it. 

So, to those of you that are pregnant or will one day be pregnant, don't take to heart all the advice everyone has to offer. Think for yourself and be confident in who God made you and the mind he gave you.

And to those of you who are related to, or in any way aware of, someone who is pregnant and you're thinking about putting in your two cents, shut it down! Instead, tell her she will love being pregnant, that she is strong enough to endure childbirth, and she will be a brilliant new mom. If you want to add even more joy and comfort to her life, tell her she's got a beautiful body. But not in a creepy way. That won't help anyone.

Six Weeks

Six measly weeks.

 That's how much time is left before my little family grows to three, before our lives are changed forever, before we each take on new roles and new experiences that make us into different people. 

Each day that passes brings more preparations that need to be taken care of for this expansion, but I can honestly say that I'm ready. At least for the moment, I'm ready. I'm ready to put in the work to get this baby into the world. I'm ready to see everything with new eyes, and I'm ready to experience it all with Jakub.

Most of all, I'm ready to show this baby what beauty the world has to offer. The past several weeks in particular, our time has overwhelmingly been spent in the company of some amazing individuals, some of which were perfect strangers. If there was ever a time in which I understood why God made us for community, it is now. My heart has been thirsting for a life like this, and it feels so good to be moving toward individuals the way I was created to. It's amazing how much richer life becomes when you take the time to be more intentional with the people around you, from the people standing next to you in line to the people you see day in and day out. I'm ready to show this baby what love can do in the world. And I know that sentence just oozes idealism and, perhaps to some, naivety, but I don't care! It's authentic and powerful, and that's enough for me.

Before I go I should probably give a little update because lets be honest, who knows how long it will be until I post again! I've been in my third trimester since I last posted and since then, I've had a few midwife appointments, ate my way through Oregon for the third time, had the most wonderful baby shower, and spent too many nights with incredible people up way passed my bedtime. Did I mention I'm up to about two naps a day on average? By that statement alone it's clear to see I'm living the good life! Until next time, friends!

75-Mile Dinner

I mentioned last week that Jakub and I traveled to the Canebrake to take part in an annual dinner that they put on. It's really a neat experience to be a part of; whether you're in the kitchen or seated at a table, everyone has a good time and Sam (the Chef and Owner) makes sure of it.

The dinner focuses on creating dishes only using ingredients that are within a 75-mile radius. They used a wide range of ingredients to show the versatile products that are readily available in Oklahoma. Jakub came up with one dish, based on his current love for foraging, and then helped the kitchen crew with the rest of the dishes.

I must tell you, I don't know what it's like to sit at most events like this, but it is so much fun to be in the kitchen! If you ever go to culinary events, you should enjoy knowing that not only are the people preparing your food working diligently and with focus, they're also thoroughly enjoying every moment of it.

I'm thankful that I don't have to resign to a typical "chef's wife" role, and that I get to actually help out in the kitchen and see everything unfold. Frankly, I'm not very good at socializing and schmoozing. I'm sure many of the other wives are great at it and they wouldn't give up their seat to stand in the kitchen for anything, but I love getting to see Jakub in action and I love getting to know the other cooks and chefs and see how they all interact with each other.

For those of you who are interested, this is what it looks like being in the kitchen:
[warning: there may be an absurd amount of pictures of Jakub and his plate, but hey, I've got a thing for this fella! Give me a break.]

With Jakub, there's always a lot of this going on (looking at notes and sketches, trying to plan it out).

He always does a test plate

See why I married him?

Always a lot of this

See what I mean?

They just can't get enough of each other

 

 

I just can't get enough of this guy

The dinner was great--everything went smoothly, the food was delicious, and everyone enjoyed themselves. Sam and his wife, Lisa, are such great hosts and it's no wonder they run such a smooth operation. I know I've said this before, but if you get a chance, you should definitely check out the Canebrake! You won't be disappointed.