Yet Another List

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"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1

I have been quiet in this space lately. It's not because I haven't wanted to write, but rather, I couldn't find my voice. In many aspects of my life, this has been a season for me to not talk. To instead, be still and know. Or, in many cases, be still and learn. Sometimes it was even, be still and just wait. And to be honest with you, it's quite comforting to shut up sometimes and not try to have the right thing to say.

While my voice has been astray, my mind has still been going as wild as ever. I've been reading some good books that have challenged me and I hope to discuss them another time. However, for this post I'd like to take a minute to look back at my list of goals I made last year and to see what goals I have cookin' for this year.

As I read through the small list of goals, I was surprised that I had accomplished almost everything I wrote down. Although it was a small list, the contents felt larger than I could handle. Seeing how each of these goals impacted my life this year encouraged me to do another one. So, here it is:

List for 2012

• I still want to get more involved with some sort of group or organization and live outside of myself while connecting to others.
• I want to be more spontaneous and a little more lighthearted.
• Continue living a more mindful and healthy life.
• Participate in something even more outlandish than Warrior Dash!
• Dedicate more time to developing my photography and writing skills.
• Spend more time in prayer.
• I want to continue to do activities or make decisions that go against who I always thought I was or would ever be. (Don't worry mom, I'm talking about positively going against my self-perceptions.)
• Finally get that tattoo I've been dreaming about. 
• De-clutter and simplify my life. 
• Live courageously enough to take each step one at a time. 
• Travel more.
• And lastly, be more reckless with my love.

My husband would probably want me to add "eat less candy" to the list, but I don't want to be foolish. I think this is a great starting point for this year, and I can't wait to review the list this time next year to see how these goals have impacted my life.

Happy New Years everyone!

Come Again Another Day

Never has a flood light looked so miraculous! It may not seem like much to the unaided eye, but pulling up to our driveway this evening, this little light stood for so much: perseverance, ingenuity, strength, creativity, sanity, victory. Not to mention, the promised return of a cooled house.

The past 24 hours have been like a spontaneous mini-vacation for Jakub and I from reality (or to reality, I haven't decided). At first, we were so mesmerized by the rain and it's ferocity that we didn't even consider what the next few hours would hold; we just stood outside fully engulfed in the cool relief that comes when everything is crying out for rain and it finally appears.

When our lights started flickering, I had hoped the electricity would go out; I thought it would make the coming hour or so interesting. In reality, I felt like a kid again. It's the same feeling you get when hoping for a snow day. Any day of the week we could just turn out all the lights and have an evening like last night, but there's something about nature taking control that makes it all the more exciting.

I really had no idea that the power outage would last as long as it did. That's the tricky thing about being a grown up: you can't just enjoy when nature throws you a curve ball, you have to think about things like all the food in the refrigerator we bought the day before going bad. Thankfully that didn't actually happen and I got to spend a night (and the following day) with my husband completely uninterrupted by technology.

This meant we had to get creative with our time and we ended up doing something that reminded me of why I love this guy! We share so many of the same dreams and goals for our life together and that gives my heart so much peace.

We each took turns coming up with a topic for a list, and then we would each write 5 things going along with that topic and then compare lists. (Am I crazy to think that making lists is a fun idea?!) The topics ranged from things to accomplish by age 40, what we want to be known for, the top things we want to do that are out of our comfort zone, and where we'd like to retire and what we'd do in each city.

It was neat to see the types of things going on in our brains that we don't talk about regularly. It was also awesome to see how much we wanted the same things. I hope we can do this sort of activity every so often and really nurture our dreams and goals and make them a reality. I don't want to get in the way of Jakub reaching his goals and so it's important for me to know exactly what those are, and vice versa.

It was also pretty neat to compare how we each organized our lists on our paper. Mine was very neat, orderly, and balanced, and his was a jumbled mess mixed with doodlings that are out of this world. His was so chaotically organized and oozing creativity, while mine was meticulous and purposeful. That's very much the kind of people we are and it was interesting to see our personalities in something as little as list-making. (In fact, he caught me by surprise and made a mark on my paper and I almost lost it because it threw everything off! OCD, anyone?)

So, thank you rainstorm, you're welcome back any time you please.

Tightrope Walker

Does this make anyone else want to get up on a tightrope?! I feel this should go on my list of things to accomplish. It would definitely lead to a more successful life, no? I guess it depends on how you define success.

Hope everyone's having a happy Tuesday! Tonight I will be cheering on my nephew in his first t-ball game, along with the rest of my family. This sort of thing also leads to a more successful life.

A Few Things That Have Me Feeling Alive

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1.  Freshly mowed grass
2. Our back yard is surrounded with honeysuckle and every breeze brings the smell closer. This is what summer smells like.
3. Cookies baking in the oven.
4.  Knowing that I'm about to eat those cookies with some of my favorite preserves (Jakub got me hooked on this).
5. Thinking over what I read in "The Pursuit of God" yesterday.
6. Cuddle time with my two favorite dogs.
7. Knowing I'll be at one of my favorite places in Tulsa in just a few hours with one dear friend.
8. Thinking that in just a few months I'll have my brother and his kids living just minutes away and everything that brings with it.
9. The indescribable feeling of joy that comes in the moments when I realize that God truly does have everything under control and I don't know much.
10. The weekend plans that are coming about.
11. Being around my family in the small, everyday moments. That's what I'll cherish the most I think.
12. Finally getting my studio organized in a way that gets me inspired and ready to create because boy, do I have a lot of creating to do!

I'm just overwhelmed with peace and contentment in life right now and I thought I'd share a few reasons why. Beyond all these circumstances, I think God is finally bringing me (or I'm finally following Him) to a place where, no matter what happens in life, I have peace in him. You really won't find peace in this world, because you're not of this world. He's the only source of unconditional peace and comfort. And in that, I relish.

Goals For The Future (Including 2011)

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I don't do resolutions for New Year's. I don't like them. I think it just makes you feel guilty about how much you haven't done what you said you'd do in the past and pressured to do things that you already know you should do (i.e. eat healthy, exercise more). But... I love lists! I love goals! And I love trying to get organized with my thoughts! If you read my post yesterday, you can kind of tell I'm coming into a season of change and so coincidentally New Years lined up with my needing to make lists and goals and organize my thoughts. I've already written some of these down, but because I write at least (at least) one list a day, and love to keep them, I thought I should put my goals on here so I have a place where I know I'll find them in case our room gets messy : ) So without further ado, here's my list:

• Build more confidence in myself and my abilities
• Step out and get help if I need it
• Build more meaningful relationships with my friends
• I want to do things that make me feel good about myself
• Then share those things with others to make them feel good too
• Do more things outside of my comfort zone (at least one small thing a day)
• Kick ass in the warrior dash!
• Be more transparent to others, whether that's showing my emotions or sticking up for myself.
• I really really want to get involved in some sort of group. Volunteer, craft, church, or a "just because" kind of group
• STOP second guessing myself!
• Take more pictures of my everyday life with my everyday, once-in-a-lifetime love 
• Be more true to my word, even when I'm not in the mood (this is more to myself than staying true to anyone else)
• Reach out and start meeting new people, in real life and through blogs.

I could go on and on, and maybe next week or two months from now (emphasis being "at some point") I'll right another set of goals I have, but for right now, my plate is full. I think the overall theme though is just to love more deeply. In whatever way that means for the moment. And this is a goal I think I can do, not just for 2011, but the rest of my days.

Happy New Year's everybody! Be safe!

Change of Plans

I'm not good at making them and I'm not good at keeping them, so I'm just going to change the plans I had for today's post. But for good reasons!
1. I thought it'd be better if I could show you the Polish traditions so hopefully I'll sneak a few photos when we get together on Christmas Eve and then share them.
2. There's just so much going through my mind right now that I think would be better, for my sanity, to get out on a post.

So, don't think of this as not following through on my word, think of it as following through in a better, more efficient and fully responsible way.(Yes, I try to make my lack of discipline look easier on the eyes... and self esteem)

Back to where I was going...well, maybe this should be a post with bullet points because I'm not sure if there's anything that sounds remotely connected.
So, without further a due, welcome to my mind.

• Sometimes I'm paralyzed by the thought that my life won't amount to much, that all I'll ever do I've already done.
• It seems like it's been close to a week without milk in the fridge and I don't know how I've gone on this long (I drink milk with EVERYTHING. there's no better combination than milk and everything.)
• The best part of my day begins when I hear my husband pull into the drive.
• When I get inspired, like really inspired, I almost don't know what to do with myself because there's so many things I want to do at once, and I'm rather indecisive.
• I recently finished a book that said I can come off as indecisive because it's difficult for me to make snap decisions, that I need enough time to weigh through the options. Which makes perfect sense so I guess the problem is, when I get inspired, by the time I make a decision, the inspiration is gone.
• I crave asian buffets for the soft serve ice cream. And I get upset when one doesn't have sprinkles.
• I love my family, no matter how dysfunctional or crazy we all are. 
• If there's one thing I feel is missing from my life, it's a closer relationship with my brother and sister.
• Whenever I see someone that I haven't in quite a while, even if we were best friends in elementary school, I NEVER think they'll remember who I am, so I never say anything.
• I'm ready to get my first visible tattoo!
• After 3 years, I STILL want to learn capoeira
• I don't understand why I struggle so much with getting myself to do the things I enjoy doing. It's not the time, or any other factor than getting up and doing it.
• I want to be good at one thing. (well actually, several things) but I want to feel confident in myself with doing at least one thing, so much so that I'd share it with other people.

So there's just a few thoughts going through my head in the last few minutes. Maybe I need to do this more often, because even though this can't be interesting to anyone else, it felt like I did a quick clean up in the brain. A little clean sweep, if you will. So sorry, this post was completely for me.