How Quickly I've Forgotten

How did this happen? I feel like I just got slapped in the face with the truth about 10 minutes ago. That's always a humbling feeling, isn't it?!

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Well, if you've read many of my blog posts, you'd know that in the end of January I experienced a pretty life changing weekend. The hurts, mistakes and failures that had been running my life for years culminated into one grand demonstration of God's unfailing love, mercy and creativity. I was finally at peace.

For years all I had wanted was to have a breather. To have a period in time where I didn't feel like I was being swallowed up by the problems around me. It was always one thing right after another and I needed to catch my breath.

I saw just how deliberate God has worked my life into being. He is in full control. I have free will, but he can ultimately work it all together for his purpose. I trusted him so fully, so why was I starting to get frustrated with my life? I'm always wanting things to be going right, and now that they are, I'm just wanting the next thing in my life to hurry up and come. I've always been a rather impatient person when it comes to things that I want out of life (just ask Jakub). The stupid thing is--the thing that slapped me upside the head-- I was subconsciously willing to trade in this moment in time where I can be at peace and rest in his Presence each day, for being impatient about the future and worrying when it will all come to pass! How could I already be over something I've waited so long to have? How insane is that?! It doesn't even make sense now that I've been able to examine the way I've been feeling and put it into words.

I'm not in any way ready to give up the peace that comes from walking in his Presence and leaning on him. He has spoken into my heart and life so clearly these past months so why would I be foolish enough to think that something could be better for me right now than this? I get a chance to sit at his feet whenever I want, with no distractions. This is where I'm supposed to be right now.

What it boils down to is this: I was trying to take control of my life again because of the fear that what I want will not come when it's supposed to. But God knows the desires of my heart and he is a father that delights in taking care of me. He is the God of perfect timing. Seeing how he has so intricately pieced my story together so far, I need to relinquish my desire to control things and act on the faith that I have in him.. Everything will happen in the right time and right now, I get to breathe easy and rest in his unfailing love.

"Be still in the presence of the LORD, and wait patiently for him to act." Psalm 37:7

"For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, 'Abba, Father.'" Romans 8:15