First Comes Love

Take a look at a little stop motion video Jakub and I created over the weekend (let it fully load for a minute):


Untitled from rachel hartlieb on Vimeo.

That's right, we're having a baby! I think we were both quite shocked, truth be told, but we're so excited to see what adventures this little baby will bring us. I had been told over and over that it would be extremely difficult for me to conceive. I wanted a baby so bad, but figured it would take years of trying or spending money on treatments or on an adoption process for us to actually have children.

Although the reality of being pregnant, and one day having a child and raising that child to be a healthy, sane individual is quite terrifying at the moment, I know that God is good. He heard my prayers and had a plan in motion when I was still so anxious about the uncertainty of how my dreams would become a reality.

The whole story of how this came to be is another reminder for me that I have no reason to doubt God and how he works things into being. To have such a glimpse into His love at the very beginning of this child's life is a great way to start my journey into parenthood; I just need to trust Him and be willing to go where He leads because He will get me where I'm supposed to be at the appropriate time.

No matter what happens with the coming changes, I can rest in the fact that He has the ultimate say in my life: not doctors, life circumstances, or even myself. And I'm so thankful in that.

He has made beauty from ashes.

However, on the baby note: It appears that I will be due September 23, 2012. We've had two ultrasounds already and that little dream baby is growing just as it should be! Right now it's a little over 1 cm long. At our first ultrasound, it was .75 cm and I couldn't understand how something so tiny could have a heartbeat. That is, until Jakub reminded me that ants have hearts. What a guy, huh?

I'm sure you'll be seeing a lot more on the blog about this liminal stage we've entered into. Hope you'll join us for the ride!

Yet Another List

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"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1

I have been quiet in this space lately. It's not because I haven't wanted to write, but rather, I couldn't find my voice. In many aspects of my life, this has been a season for me to not talk. To instead, be still and know. Or, in many cases, be still and learn. Sometimes it was even, be still and just wait. And to be honest with you, it's quite comforting to shut up sometimes and not try to have the right thing to say.

While my voice has been astray, my mind has still been going as wild as ever. I've been reading some good books that have challenged me and I hope to discuss them another time. However, for this post I'd like to take a minute to look back at my list of goals I made last year and to see what goals I have cookin' for this year.

As I read through the small list of goals, I was surprised that I had accomplished almost everything I wrote down. Although it was a small list, the contents felt larger than I could handle. Seeing how each of these goals impacted my life this year encouraged me to do another one. So, here it is:

List for 2012

• I still want to get more involved with some sort of group or organization and live outside of myself while connecting to others.
• I want to be more spontaneous and a little more lighthearted.
• Continue living a more mindful and healthy life.
• Participate in something even more outlandish than Warrior Dash!
• Dedicate more time to developing my photography and writing skills.
• Spend more time in prayer.
• I want to continue to do activities or make decisions that go against who I always thought I was or would ever be. (Don't worry mom, I'm talking about positively going against my self-perceptions.)
• Finally get that tattoo I've been dreaming about. 
• De-clutter and simplify my life. 
• Live courageously enough to take each step one at a time. 
• Travel more.
• And lastly, be more reckless with my love.

My husband would probably want me to add "eat less candy" to the list, but I don't want to be foolish. I think this is a great starting point for this year, and I can't wait to review the list this time next year to see how these goals have impacted my life.

Happy New Years everyone!

It's Decided:

I need to be more decisive.

Anyone close to me knows how I struggle with this. I don't handle possibilities well, and I don't like thinking I could be making the wrong choice (even if it's what to order for lunch).

I read this blog post and it's inspired me to be more purposeful about the decisions I make, and the ones I've left undone. Here's a little sample from his post:

What happens when we don’t decide?

NOTHING. No change. no difference made. The world just continues on as it always has.
Which is precisely why we need more more decisiveness. The world deserves it. So does your art. So do you.


...Can I get an "amen"! Be sure to click through the link to read the rest of the post and possibly some of his other writings, he's very talented and each one I read challenges me.

To Grandmother's House We Go

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It's time to go and I can hardly stand it. I feel like a kid on Christmas Eve, fighting sleep because of anticipation of the coming morning.

In just a few short hours I will be making my way, along with Jakub, my parents, my brother and sister, and all of their kids, to the grand ol' city of Pataskala, Ohio. We'll be celebrating Thanksgiving with some of my favorite people on earth.

Did I mention Grandma Puckett will be there?! (you can read more about her here, if you are one of the few to not have heard of her yet). And on top of that, her food will be there in all its glory.

Since living in Oklahoma, holidays have been somewhat of a disappointment. I love big family gatherings, and frankly, we just don't have the numbers in this town. I love my family here but there's something about all the noise and laughter that I can't get enough of.

I can't wait to be with my cousins again, and for Jakub to see what Ohio is like. He hasn't met a lot of my family yet from Ohio so that will be exciting.

I hope everyone has a great week, and if you're having a difficult time coming up with something to be thankful for, I highly recommend you read this post. It opened up a whole new selection of topics for when you have to go around the table and tell what you're thankful for. Definite conversation starters, I'd say.

On The Road

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We're all loaded up! I'm taking my little family, pups and all, on a surprise getaway for Jakub's 27th birthday!

Earlier in the week I surprised him with a chance to "look at the stars" but now we'll be doing it for real. His birthday couldn't have come at a better time, and I think we're both going to enjoy this opportunity to leave every stress and frustration behind and just RELAX. That word hasn't been in our vocabulary as of late, so it will be nice to reconnect with what that looks like.

We'll be staying in a little cabin, far from the hustle and bustle of daily life. We'll definitely do some hiking and picture taking, and possibly horseback riding or even throw in a train ride here or there. Without a doubt we will be spending plenty of around a fire pit, being cuddle bugs. I'm also pretty excited that our pups will be joining us; this will be Charlie's first real outdoor adventure with us and it'll be neat to see how they react.

Well everyone, it's time for us to hit the road. Enjoy your night and I'll see you soon.

One Year

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It's been one year since I started this blog, and I'm amazed at how fast the time has gone! I'm so happy that I stepped out and took the risk of opening myself up. I think it's pretty amazing that this blog coincided with one of the most life-changing years of my life, and I'm so thankful that I was able to document some of the ups and downs and life-altering lessons I've learned along the way.

God is wild, and I'd be crazy to think the road he's led me down is anything else but to be more like him. Because of that, this has been one wild year. He has proven himself over and over this year to be true and to be beautiful.

I started this blog to document my life, knowing that I was in a liminal stage; somewhere between where I was and where I'm going. I still don't have a clear view of my future, but this year has reminded me (countless times) that it is not for me to know. Instead, I need to focus on each moment and be proud of where I am. I can't compare myself to others or what plan society would have me on; I'm on a path all my own, designed specifically for me.

I started out this year in the lowest pit of my life. Thankfully, God gave me footing and showed me that everything that was overtaking me was indeed, the most beautiful things about me. I now stand on those situations and circumstances with pride, knowing that God was with me each step of the way and he lovingly orchestrated each moment to give me hope and a future.

I learned to trust God in everything, knowing that he will not withhold anything that I need. When I prayed for understanding, he gave me wisdom. When I begged for mercy, he showered me with grace and peace. When I longed for unity, he provided a friendship unlike anything else I've ever experienced. When I asked for direction, he reminded me of who I am and why I am. And above all, he has given me the privilege of knowing how unrelenting his love is.

I don't think one thing has gone the way I planned this year. Despite how frustrating it is to see everything turned upside down and every which way but the way I wanted, I would not trade this year for anything. I'm so thankful that God sees the bigger picture and he doesn't bend to my every desire. Instead, he lovingly instructs me on a path that is terrifying and uncomfortable, knowing that it will be so much sweeter than anything my silly little imagination could doll up.

Though there is still so much pain and uncertainty around me, I am certain of one thing: God is love. I don't need to know how or when things will work out. I need to have peace in knowing that I am on the wildest adventure of my life with a God who, somehow, is wild about me and set on turning me into something he can use.

I can't even imagine what this next year will hold, but I hope to share it with you along the way!

Sweet Success

It's not easy to keep a secret from my husband, especially one that I'm so excited about.

However, the moment he opened the door to see hundreds of stars covering the room was totally worth the effort of keeping my mouth shut and being a little sneakypants.

Did you also know that I am mechanically inept? That, mixed with the original instructions being entirely in Japanese (and when I got ahold of the english manual, it showed me how to connect parts that definitely were not what I was given), made for an interesting assembly. If anyone could've witnessed the poor sight, they would've also gotten a handful of choice words. But, again, it was all worth it.

The assembly really isn't that bad, at least it wouldn't be for any normal human being. And now that it's finished, I feel like I could put another one together blind folded.

It's really neat because you can set it up to where it shows you the exact position of what the stars look like depending on what month it is and which direction you're facing and all that jazz.

 

I'm certain it's the best $22 purchase I've ever made! It makes you feel like a kid again, with the contagious excitement that anything is possible. And it can have so many uses: It can be a night light for when my nephews spend the night, or give an added effect of "realness" when we build blanket forts. It can make the days when we're stuck inside because of the weather more exciting, or just break up the everyday monotony. And most important, it can put a smile on Jakub's face.

And look how magical it looks covering an entire room!

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Or in a little nook

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It just makes your room (and life) come alive. I'm sure it'll be around for many years to come, and one day we'll get to share it with our kids. And if it breaks, hey, it was only $22 and I'll be able to try my hand at doing it blind folded. Everybody wins.