A Year In Review

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Yesterday was my birthday: yes sir, the big two-three. With the coming of a new age, I always look back on the past year and examine the directions my life has taken. Most years, there's not much to look at, just the same typical stuff with a few surprises thrown in. I can honestly say, 22 was one of the most pivotal years for me; a definite game changer.

It felt like this was the year everything culminated together to bring my life understanding, joy, and true peace. However, most of it was not as tranquil as that last sentence may lead you to believe. To be more clear: it was hell. I can't tell you how many nights I spent on my face, drenched in tears and completely exasperated, begging God for just a moment to catch my breath. Trouble surrounded me until I had no hope. I faced insurmountable sorrow, lack of ambition or even the knowledge of where to begin to pick up the pieces, and worse of all, I had to look at myself in the mirror, with all of my failures, every.single.day. while feeling like God had realized what I had become and decided he didn't want me anymore.

 Through all of the heartache, turmoil, and utter despair God molded together a moment in time that showed me how wrong I was. About everything. He showed me how stupid it is to rest on my own understanding and that true life, the life he intended me to have, can only be achieved by following where he leads.

I gained passion, wisdom, inexpressible joy, and the most overwhelming love I've ever known. In fact, there were moments that I felt a glimmer of the love that God has towards me, and it would crush me, quite literally. His love is so big and extravagant and I am so completely undeserving. I have nothing to hide anymore. I can breathe deeply, knowing that everything I need is found in God alone.

I have had the confidence to speak more openly about what's truly on my heart despite what others may say. This is huge in that, I have never felt so free to be me. Not just free, compelled to be me. I've always wanted to be better, prettier, or more talented than I am, but knowing how God feels for me, and the thoughts he actively thinks towards me, I can't help but be proud of the person I am, with all of my flaws and imperfections. I rejoice in my brokenness, stupidity, and selfishness because I know that it is through those things that God comes and meets me where I am.

Every day I see a clearer picture of who God is and who he is making me to become and I am in awe. When I began my blog this past year, I had no intention of speaking about God, the things I have struggled with, or the things closest to my heart. Sharing things on here that many people around me didn't even know was not something I considered enjoyable. (In fact, it took every ounce of confidence within me to even make this blog open for people to read.) But things have drastically changed in my life this year and I can't keep it to myself!

I'm so excited about life and what this next year will bring! If it's anything like last year, bring it on : )

Here's a few thoughts running through my head that have really sunk in this past year and I hope you can see the gravity of each one in your own life:

• God knows EXACTLY what you need through each step of your journey and if you just press into him, he will deliver.

•  He is waiting for you to trust him enough to let him bless you in his perfect way. If you lean on your own knowledge and your own ability, you won't have room for his blessings.

• Life isn't about being right or being self-sufficient; to me, it's all about love, and being broken and open with each other in order to feel what real love is all about.

• There is nothing more beautiful than seeing God bring something from nothing, or restoring order from chaos. 

• This life is not supposed to be comfortable; you will never be fully happy here because you are still separated from God.

• Strength isn't gained from independence, but from learning to walk with others and rely on each other.

I also would just like to say thank you to everyone who helped make this birthday so special! I have never felt so humbled and loved! My heart was swelling with joy and gratitude!
A few honorable mentions:
To my mom for taking me on a surprise picnic; it meant so much to me and it is a memory I will not soon forget!
To Meg, for surprising me with the most thoughtful gifts and the sweetest card (and tastiest cookies) a girl could ask for; you are somethin' else!
To Renata & Peter, it meant so much to me to have you guys drop by, especially with such lovely flowers!
And last but not least, to my fanciful and ultra-hot boyfriend, thank you for being so thoughtful with my birthday; You always make me feel so special! But you should hurry up with finishing my presents because I just can't wait anymore : )   (Disclaimer: I do not have a boyfriend on the side, sometimes we just like to call each other boyfriend/girlfriend.)