The Beginning of The End

How do you tell your husband that his life will never be the same after today? That he will be fighting an uphill battle and possibly everything he knew about life will be thrown out the window? This is what I am struggling with today because something has captured my heart and I don't know what to do. Let me explain...

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That's right, homemade peppermint patties, and boy are they delicious! I've had this recipe saved on pinterest for a couple months now and today was the day I welcomed them into my home and I think they're here to stay. Thankfully my friend, Meg, loves this delectable treat as much as I do and so she was my partner in crime. [sidenote: I see why having an accomplice is so necessary: it lowers the feeling of guilt, and that is always a good thing.]

The recipe itself is pretty inexpensive, very easy to follow, and extremely rewarding. Before I saw this recipe, it never crossed my mind that you could actually make this at home. Never again will I be so silly. Now I just need to figure out this thing called self-control or my husband will be in for quite the surprise. You see, he doesn't share the same enthusiasm for sweet treats that I have, so he doesn't know the pull they have on me. I think once my metabolism slows down he's in for a whole lotta woman, if ya know what I mean.

If you enjoy peppermint patties, I highly recommend this recipe, but you've been warned: they mean business.

Not To Yield

To strive, to seek, to find,

 and not to yield.

-Lord Alfred Tennyson, Ulysses

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Come Again Another Day

Never has a flood light looked so miraculous! It may not seem like much to the unaided eye, but pulling up to our driveway this evening, this little light stood for so much: perseverance, ingenuity, strength, creativity, sanity, victory. Not to mention, the promised return of a cooled house.

The past 24 hours have been like a spontaneous mini-vacation for Jakub and I from reality (or to reality, I haven't decided). At first, we were so mesmerized by the rain and it's ferocity that we didn't even consider what the next few hours would hold; we just stood outside fully engulfed in the cool relief that comes when everything is crying out for rain and it finally appears.

When our lights started flickering, I had hoped the electricity would go out; I thought it would make the coming hour or so interesting. In reality, I felt like a kid again. It's the same feeling you get when hoping for a snow day. Any day of the week we could just turn out all the lights and have an evening like last night, but there's something about nature taking control that makes it all the more exciting.

I really had no idea that the power outage would last as long as it did. That's the tricky thing about being a grown up: you can't just enjoy when nature throws you a curve ball, you have to think about things like all the food in the refrigerator we bought the day before going bad. Thankfully that didn't actually happen and I got to spend a night (and the following day) with my husband completely uninterrupted by technology.

This meant we had to get creative with our time and we ended up doing something that reminded me of why I love this guy! We share so many of the same dreams and goals for our life together and that gives my heart so much peace.

We each took turns coming up with a topic for a list, and then we would each write 5 things going along with that topic and then compare lists. (Am I crazy to think that making lists is a fun idea?!) The topics ranged from things to accomplish by age 40, what we want to be known for, the top things we want to do that are out of our comfort zone, and where we'd like to retire and what we'd do in each city.

It was neat to see the types of things going on in our brains that we don't talk about regularly. It was also awesome to see how much we wanted the same things. I hope we can do this sort of activity every so often and really nurture our dreams and goals and make them a reality. I don't want to get in the way of Jakub reaching his goals and so it's important for me to know exactly what those are, and vice versa.

It was also pretty neat to compare how we each organized our lists on our paper. Mine was very neat, orderly, and balanced, and his was a jumbled mess mixed with doodlings that are out of this world. His was so chaotically organized and oozing creativity, while mine was meticulous and purposeful. That's very much the kind of people we are and it was interesting to see our personalities in something as little as list-making. (In fact, he caught me by surprise and made a mark on my paper and I almost lost it because it threw everything off! OCD, anyone?)

So, thank you rainstorm, you're welcome back any time you please.

What Do You Mean, It's Not About Me?

Pride is a sneaky little thing. It weasels its way into situations so smoothly you can hardly recognize it as what it really is. I'm noticing more and more how it shows up in my life and I've got to tell you, there's not a more humbling moment for me than when I realize how much pride I have. See, it's tricky!

Without a proper diagnosis of the problem in any particular situation, you can tend to think that the world is against you and develop a strong amount of self-pity, which isn't good for you or anyone around you. Take yesterday for example:

Jakub was participating in a yearly event in Oklahoma City with other chefs called Odyssey de Culinaire. It's probably my favorite event we do each year; getting to work with chefs showcasing their talents and taste such delicious food while raising awareness for ProStart programs is an unbeatable combination. I feel so lucky that I have had the opportunity to tag along with Jakub into the kitchen to see a side of the food industry that many don't get the opportunity to experience.

However, I'd be lying if I said everything went smoothly, at least in order to get there. The whole morning was full of things not going according to plan. It was almost comical, and if I hadn't been so mad I would have laughed! It felt like I was on candid camera; there's no way this is all happening by coincidence, I thought. Jakub was at work getting everything together while I was at home tying up loose ends and making sure our two pups were taken care of. I'm not sure how Jakub's morning went, but mine was no walk in the park. Everything I needed to do ended up having more steps than I would assume is socially acceptable. By the time I dropped Jax and Charlie off at my mother-in-law's, I was afraid I might hurt someone.

(In fact, as I walked out of her house, I heard some leaves rustling and instantly thought what if someone's waiting around the corner to kill me?--yes, I know that's a stretch, welcome to the inner workings of my mind--but my initial reaction was go ahead and try, I dare you!) I was ready to whoop some butt! And if you don't know me, that's quite a distance from my timid, people-pleasing self.

      [side note to the current side note: there have been several times I've called my
      mom because I heard a noise or seen someone outside my house and didn't know
      what to do, and each time she's said, "Well Rachel, you just gotta get mad." I never
      knew what she meant or how to do it. But now I know. I normally don't have a  
      steady amount of anger or stress in my life and I think you need that to be able to
      "get mad" to protect yourself.]

Anyway, it turned out to just be a pile of leaves instead of a murderer. But the point is, I was angry. I was fed up with things going wrong and having to do stuff that I really wasn't in the mood to do. At that moment, I felt like I was punched in the gut. The problem wasn't that everything was going wrong; the problem was my desire to preserve my own comfort. I was more worried about how circumstances were affecting me and my time and my enjoyment (read:sanity) rather than doing my part in making sure everything was taken care of so my husband could be focused on his dish without worrying about what was happening back at home. And because of that, I was lashing out at everyone around me.

I can't tell you how much the issue of pride is reoccurring in my life right now, and it's a hard lesson to learn because it comes in so many shapes and sizes. I started to realize that many of the problems I have in this world are largely due to the issues of pride and preserving my own comfort. But this is a lesson I'll gladly learn over and over in order to become more like Jesus. The only way I can effectively be a servant of Christ (and ultimately demonstrate his kind of foolish love to others) is to have a mindset of humility. Otherwise, I act like I toddler, kicking and screaming, through the moments that are meant to bring life. I should not be concerned with making sure my life is comfortable and just the way I like it, because that is not the kind of life I am called to. Thankfully, God is reminding me of this in so many ways each day and he isn't giving up on me.

In my last post, I said that living outside yourself is the only way to really live, and that I was beginning to see that. Well, it looks like I'm still needing to open my eyes a little wider.

It's Just One of Those Days...

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You know those days where you wake up and the air seems to be clearer, the birds are more chipper, and everything just exudes a certain amount of electricity that on other days you can't help but miss?! Well folks, today is one of those days for me! I think this is due, in part, to a few things:

• I am truly enjoying my life right now, so much so that I have nearly stopped looking towards the future with anxiety (which is so unlike me). I've always felt a desperate need to know the direction my life was going in, but now I am basically giving up on that and just enjoying each moment and being aware of how each one is changing me into the woman I'll need to be in the future. 

• At 23, my life is about learning to balance responsibility while maintaining youthfulness. I think not stressing about the future has given me so much time to realize where I am now and to really enjoy this stage in life. It's the first time where I actually feel my age and it's so nice! Taking advantage of every opportunity (and challenge) that comes my way, instead of worrying about the "what if's" in life has helped me to see life and love in a more beautiful picture than what I was used to.

• After not having to be employed for the last two years, it was quite a shock to my system to have to take up so much responsibility for my family. There were so many moments that challenged my selfish nature, as well as my spiritual beliefs; it's been harder than I thought but it has also been so rewarding. I have a better idea of the kind of person I am and I'm so glad I wasn't given the opportunity to stay the way I was, because I know I would have; it would've been the easier road, but I would not know what I am capable of. There have been things each step of the way that I have been terrified of, and luckily each step of the way I have had to overcome those things. Living outside of yourself is the only way to really live, and I see that now.

• I have been so inspired by everything around me lately and it has completely affected the thoughts that come into my head. I've loved watching my husband get inspired and experiment with new things. Seeing his excitement for things has given me a new sense of joy that I hadn't known before. We've had so much fun working with each other to make a life for ourselves that is completely unique to our tastes and beliefs. I see the kind of man he is and it just gives me so much hope. Life is an amazing thing and I can't seem get enough of it!