What Do You Mean, It's Not About Me?

Pride is a sneaky little thing. It weasels its way into situations so smoothly you can hardly recognize it as what it really is. I'm noticing more and more how it shows up in my life and I've got to tell you, there's not a more humbling moment for me than when I realize how much pride I have. See, it's tricky!

Without a proper diagnosis of the problem in any particular situation, you can tend to think that the world is against you and develop a strong amount of self-pity, which isn't good for you or anyone around you. Take yesterday for example:

Jakub was participating in a yearly event in Oklahoma City with other chefs called Odyssey de Culinaire. It's probably my favorite event we do each year; getting to work with chefs showcasing their talents and taste such delicious food while raising awareness for ProStart programs is an unbeatable combination. I feel so lucky that I have had the opportunity to tag along with Jakub into the kitchen to see a side of the food industry that many don't get the opportunity to experience.

However, I'd be lying if I said everything went smoothly, at least in order to get there. The whole morning was full of things not going according to plan. It was almost comical, and if I hadn't been so mad I would have laughed! It felt like I was on candid camera; there's no way this is all happening by coincidence, I thought. Jakub was at work getting everything together while I was at home tying up loose ends and making sure our two pups were taken care of. I'm not sure how Jakub's morning went, but mine was no walk in the park. Everything I needed to do ended up having more steps than I would assume is socially acceptable. By the time I dropped Jax and Charlie off at my mother-in-law's, I was afraid I might hurt someone.

(In fact, as I walked out of her house, I heard some leaves rustling and instantly thought what if someone's waiting around the corner to kill me?--yes, I know that's a stretch, welcome to the inner workings of my mind--but my initial reaction was go ahead and try, I dare you!) I was ready to whoop some butt! And if you don't know me, that's quite a distance from my timid, people-pleasing self.

      [side note to the current side note: there have been several times I've called my
      mom because I heard a noise or seen someone outside my house and didn't know
      what to do, and each time she's said, "Well Rachel, you just gotta get mad." I never
      knew what she meant or how to do it. But now I know. I normally don't have a  
      steady amount of anger or stress in my life and I think you need that to be able to
      "get mad" to protect yourself.]

Anyway, it turned out to just be a pile of leaves instead of a murderer. But the point is, I was angry. I was fed up with things going wrong and having to do stuff that I really wasn't in the mood to do. At that moment, I felt like I was punched in the gut. The problem wasn't that everything was going wrong; the problem was my desire to preserve my own comfort. I was more worried about how circumstances were affecting me and my time and my enjoyment (read:sanity) rather than doing my part in making sure everything was taken care of so my husband could be focused on his dish without worrying about what was happening back at home. And because of that, I was lashing out at everyone around me.

I can't tell you how much the issue of pride is reoccurring in my life right now, and it's a hard lesson to learn because it comes in so many shapes and sizes. I started to realize that many of the problems I have in this world are largely due to the issues of pride and preserving my own comfort. But this is a lesson I'll gladly learn over and over in order to become more like Jesus. The only way I can effectively be a servant of Christ (and ultimately demonstrate his kind of foolish love to others) is to have a mindset of humility. Otherwise, I act like I toddler, kicking and screaming, through the moments that are meant to bring life. I should not be concerned with making sure my life is comfortable and just the way I like it, because that is not the kind of life I am called to. Thankfully, God is reminding me of this in so many ways each day and he isn't giving up on me.

In my last post, I said that living outside yourself is the only way to really live, and that I was beginning to see that. Well, it looks like I'm still needing to open my eyes a little wider.

It's Just One of Those Days...

photo via

You know those days where you wake up and the air seems to be clearer, the birds are more chipper, and everything just exudes a certain amount of electricity that on other days you can't help but miss?! Well folks, today is one of those days for me! I think this is due, in part, to a few things:

• I am truly enjoying my life right now, so much so that I have nearly stopped looking towards the future with anxiety (which is so unlike me). I've always felt a desperate need to know the direction my life was going in, but now I am basically giving up on that and just enjoying each moment and being aware of how each one is changing me into the woman I'll need to be in the future. 

• At 23, my life is about learning to balance responsibility while maintaining youthfulness. I think not stressing about the future has given me so much time to realize where I am now and to really enjoy this stage in life. It's the first time where I actually feel my age and it's so nice! Taking advantage of every opportunity (and challenge) that comes my way, instead of worrying about the "what if's" in life has helped me to see life and love in a more beautiful picture than what I was used to.

• After not having to be employed for the last two years, it was quite a shock to my system to have to take up so much responsibility for my family. There were so many moments that challenged my selfish nature, as well as my spiritual beliefs; it's been harder than I thought but it has also been so rewarding. I have a better idea of the kind of person I am and I'm so glad I wasn't given the opportunity to stay the way I was, because I know I would have; it would've been the easier road, but I would not know what I am capable of. There have been things each step of the way that I have been terrified of, and luckily each step of the way I have had to overcome those things. Living outside of yourself is the only way to really live, and I see that now.

• I have been so inspired by everything around me lately and it has completely affected the thoughts that come into my head. I've loved watching my husband get inspired and experiment with new things. Seeing his excitement for things has given me a new sense of joy that I hadn't known before. We've had so much fun working with each other to make a life for ourselves that is completely unique to our tastes and beliefs. I see the kind of man he is and it just gives me so much hope. Life is an amazing thing and I can't seem get enough of it!

Life in 33 Days (Image Heavy)

I've been absent quite a while from this here blog and I think it's about time I cut that out! I haven't been absent for lack of topics to talk about. In fact, I've had an overload of life lately and sometimes in order to process it all, you just have to move through it and then at some point, look back and piece things together. So much has happened in these last several weeks and I feel like I have a million stories and thoughts to tell you! How about I start with something that I've been talking about for (quite literally) months without any sign of making headway!

Drum roll please......

That's right, I FINALLY finished my 50's inspired two-piece swimsuit last week! Just in time for a Sunday lake trip with some of the best friends around. Unlike my attempt last year at making my own swimsuit, this one held up to the water test (that is, everything stayed where it was supposed to when it got wet ha). I couldn't be happier with the way it turned out. It takes a while to get used to wearing such high-waisted bottoms, but really, I feel so much more comfortable and confident in this style of suit than a modern two-piece. ( I mean, I can sit and not feel like I'm a lazy slob, which is always a plus). It also helps to satisfy my desire to live in that era. I love the clothes and style of the 1950s, but would I really want to live without the modern conveniences? ehh....

Aside from that, here's just a few other noteworthy events that have happened since my last post:

I got a ukulele and I'm actually getting the hang of it! I can already see there will be plenty of "jam sessions" with my dear friend meg, so watch out everyone, we may get famous.

We took a trip to the zoo, with my parents and all of the nieces and nephews, including these two:

Jakub and I fixed up this little table we found at an estate sale. I'll show the finished product another time. That process, from start to finish, is rather addicting so you may be seeing more additions later on.

I've been spending a lot of quality time with my brother's kids and it has been the time of my life! This little lady isn't too fond of females so when she sat on my lap, I had to document it! Unfortunately, this was the only picture I was able to snap before she was off. But don't you worry, she's taken a fancy to me and we'll have plenty more.

My nephew, Jesiah (top row, second from right), finished up his first t-ball season. This has been a highlight of my summer and an experience unlike anything else!

Did I mention, he scored the last two outs of the last game! We were all so proud!

She has Jakub wrapped around her finger, and I don't blame him!

Everyone got together last night and it was full of laughter, good food, games, and love

To welcome my Grandma Puckett, Aunt Karen, and Uncle Scott to town! Every moment with these people is so special.

Since my birthday, my life has been centered on family, both physically and theoretically. It goes without saying that I have had some great times with these people, but we have also experienced some heart-wrenching moments together in this time period. Moments that have challenged my ideas on what it really means to be family, and what aspects are pivotal to community. This has been an extreme period in time in which my whole being has been challenged every which way the wind blows. Through it all, I have seen that God is good and though it doesn't all quite make sense yet, my view of God's love and how he calls us to love has been heightened. I'm sure I'll expand on some thoughts in the coming days, but I just wanted to say, I'm still kicking and hopefully I won't be absent that long in the future.

Knowing God

“What matters supremely, therefore, is not, in the last analysis, the fact that I know God, but the larger fact which underlies it—the fact that HE KNOWS ME. I am graven on the palms of His hands. I am never out of His mind. All my knowledge of Him depends on His sustained initiative in knowing me. I know Him, because He first knew me, and continues to know me. He knows me as a friend, one who loves me; and there is no moment when His eye is off me, or His attention distracted from me, and no moment therefore, when His care falters.

“This is momentous knowledge. There is unspeakable comfort—the sort of comfort that energizes…God is constantly taking knowledge of me in love, and watching over me for my good. There is tremendous relief in knowing that His love to me is utterly realistic, based at every point on prior knowledge of the worst about me, so that no discovery now can disillusion him about me, in the way I am so often disillusioned about myself, and quench His determination to bless me. There is, certainly, great cause for humility in the thought that He sees all the twisted things about me that my fellow-men do not see, and that He sees more corruption in me than that which I see in myself. There is however, equally great incentive to worship and love God in the thought that, for some unfathomable reason, he wants me as his friend, and desires to be my friend, and has given His Son to die for me in order to realize this purpose.”

 -- J. I.  Packer, from his book Knowing God.

A Year In Review

photo via

Yesterday was my birthday: yes sir, the big two-three. With the coming of a new age, I always look back on the past year and examine the directions my life has taken. Most years, there's not much to look at, just the same typical stuff with a few surprises thrown in. I can honestly say, 22 was one of the most pivotal years for me; a definite game changer.

It felt like this was the year everything culminated together to bring my life understanding, joy, and true peace. However, most of it was not as tranquil as that last sentence may lead you to believe. To be more clear: it was hell. I can't tell you how many nights I spent on my face, drenched in tears and completely exasperated, begging God for just a moment to catch my breath. Trouble surrounded me until I had no hope. I faced insurmountable sorrow, lack of ambition or even the knowledge of where to begin to pick up the pieces, and worse of all, I had to look at myself in the mirror, with all of my failures, every.single.day. while feeling like God had realized what I had become and decided he didn't want me anymore.

 Through all of the heartache, turmoil, and utter despair God molded together a moment in time that showed me how wrong I was. About everything. He showed me how stupid it is to rest on my own understanding and that true life, the life he intended me to have, can only be achieved by following where he leads.

I gained passion, wisdom, inexpressible joy, and the most overwhelming love I've ever known. In fact, there were moments that I felt a glimmer of the love that God has towards me, and it would crush me, quite literally. His love is so big and extravagant and I am so completely undeserving. I have nothing to hide anymore. I can breathe deeply, knowing that everything I need is found in God alone.

I have had the confidence to speak more openly about what's truly on my heart despite what others may say. This is huge in that, I have never felt so free to be me. Not just free, compelled to be me. I've always wanted to be better, prettier, or more talented than I am, but knowing how God feels for me, and the thoughts he actively thinks towards me, I can't help but be proud of the person I am, with all of my flaws and imperfections. I rejoice in my brokenness, stupidity, and selfishness because I know that it is through those things that God comes and meets me where I am.

Every day I see a clearer picture of who God is and who he is making me to become and I am in awe. When I began my blog this past year, I had no intention of speaking about God, the things I have struggled with, or the things closest to my heart. Sharing things on here that many people around me didn't even know was not something I considered enjoyable. (In fact, it took every ounce of confidence within me to even make this blog open for people to read.) But things have drastically changed in my life this year and I can't keep it to myself!

I'm so excited about life and what this next year will bring! If it's anything like last year, bring it on : )

Here's a few thoughts running through my head that have really sunk in this past year and I hope you can see the gravity of each one in your own life:

• God knows EXACTLY what you need through each step of your journey and if you just press into him, he will deliver.

•  He is waiting for you to trust him enough to let him bless you in his perfect way. If you lean on your own knowledge and your own ability, you won't have room for his blessings.

• Life isn't about being right or being self-sufficient; to me, it's all about love, and being broken and open with each other in order to feel what real love is all about.

• There is nothing more beautiful than seeing God bring something from nothing, or restoring order from chaos. 

• This life is not supposed to be comfortable; you will never be fully happy here because you are still separated from God.

• Strength isn't gained from independence, but from learning to walk with others and rely on each other.

I also would just like to say thank you to everyone who helped make this birthday so special! I have never felt so humbled and loved! My heart was swelling with joy and gratitude!
A few honorable mentions:
To my mom for taking me on a surprise picnic; it meant so much to me and it is a memory I will not soon forget!
To Meg, for surprising me with the most thoughtful gifts and the sweetest card (and tastiest cookies) a girl could ask for; you are somethin' else!
To Renata & Peter, it meant so much to me to have you guys drop by, especially with such lovely flowers!
And last but not least, to my fanciful and ultra-hot boyfriend, thank you for being so thoughtful with my birthday; You always make me feel so special! But you should hurry up with finishing my presents because I just can't wait anymore : )   (Disclaimer: I do not have a boyfriend on the side, sometimes we just like to call each other boyfriend/girlfriend.)

Wedding Bells

Last night, these two fancy people became one in marriage! For those of you who have read my blog for a while, you've heard me talk about Craig and April and their upcoming wedding. Well folks, here they are in all their glory:

It was pretty spectacular and a little surreal for me to be standing beside these two as they committed the rest of their lives to each other. During the reception, people were making speeches and then the mic was handed to me. I should've started my speech with a disclaimer: I am horrible at public speaking, and I tend to panic when I have to make decisions in the moment, especially if these moments only come around once in a lifetime (like giving a speech at my best friends' wedding). However, I didn't and people had to sit still and watch something similar to a plane crash (this could be an exaggeration, but I don't think so. You be the judge!).

I started out asking my table about 58 billion times (maybe 10), "can you hear me? can you hear me?! CAN YOU HEAR ME?!!!" Each time more terrified than the last. [side-note: I guess you don't necessarily hear yourself in the mic like I previously thought you would.] I then followed up with, " I'm sorry... I don't do talking." Ya don't say... (This is what I imagine everyone was thinking by this time.) Then, as I was doing a balancing act of rambling and apologizing for my rambling, I thought of something I could direct my thoughts to! I made the announcement in full confidence, "Oh! This will make a great speech!" And in a split second, I realized that no matter how great my idea was, it would never come out the way I planned, so I immediately said, "oh, no it won't!" but began to tell it anyway. I think towards the end, I might have gotten something nice out, but at some point I'm pretty sure I stuck my arm straight out beside me. Who gives a speech like that?!

Once I sat down, my husband was like, "I thought you were going to talk about how they met or something like that." Oh that would've nice, huh Jakub, you should have told me that BEFORE I made an ass out of myself. Since I don't think I'll be getting a redo for them anytime soon, and I can't save this speech for their 50th wedding anniversary, I would like to offer up a little speech on here so Craig and April can know what I meant to say, and so that people will know I actually do have a brain! So everyone, imagine you're sitting around the tables, and you see the mic passed to me. I stand up and introduce myself...

Hi, I'm Rachel and I have known April for seven years and Craig for six. In this time, they have both been some of the best friends I could have asked for. I have known each of them separately and watched as they have each grown into the person they are today. A lot of times, people in love say things like, I wish we would've known each other sooner or, I wish we would've gotten together years ago. But I can say, over the years, I have seen them grow into the type of person that would perfectly complement the other. I have also seen them develop their relationships with God and learn to trust on him in the process of finding a suitable helpmate. This is something they both deeply wanted, and through God's perfect timing and creative order of things, they each found the one that would be able to stand next to them and help them through life.

They first met during our wedding shower in 2009. They both came over early to help get things ready and I remember Craig's reaction when he saw her. He would glance over at me and I knew exactly what he was thinking. If it were a cartoon, there would be hearts coming out of his eyes! Shortly after our wedding, they began to talk more and develop their friendship. It's amazing to me because I knew them both for so long and knew they were just like each other, but it never occurred to me introduce them until the situation presented itself. And boy, am I glad things work out the way they do because they both got what they wanted: someone special to share life with, to make it exciting, and to lean on when it's hard. Even though y'all have only been together for a short time, it's been a long time coming! Congratulations!

... Feel free to clap wherever you are, because that was much better than what happened last night and definitely closer to what I meant to say!

Again, Congratulations Mr. & Mrs. Norred. Enjoy your first day as husband and wife today!

p.s. don't we make a cute couple?

Ukulele Lovin'

I've always wanted to learn to play an instrument but never fully committed because I thought I was either a) not cool enough or b) too old to learn something like that. I thought the only way to really be good at something is to learn it when you're young, so by default I was destined to a pretty boring life.

However, a few months back I was talking to my friend, Meg, and she mentioned that she taught herself how to play the guitar. I squealed out with excitement and pure jealousy, "No!!! I've always wanted to play an instrument but I just can't." And do you know what she replied with?! She simply said, "hey, you still can." Right then the clouds parted and a beam of light fell upon me; everything was different, it all made sense. Everything was brighter!

Ok, that's probably not true, but that's how it felt in my head. I had resigned myself to a life void of any musical ability, as if my life has already been set in stone. The way she said it, it was so obvious: I still can. Why had I never thought of that before?! I'm only 22 and I'd assume I have a lot of life left in me.

With this new revolution, I've been contemplating what kind of instrument would really tickle my fancy. Though I'm still weighing the options, I'm pretty drawn to the ukulele. This morning I was looking up some videos on youtube and came across this little boy:



Is that not the cutest thing you've ever seen?! If playing the ukulele can give me that much joy and passion (and range of emotions ha), sign me up! Maybe one day I'll be fancy enough to play a song and end it like he did: with an automatic "Tank you," as if he knows you liked what he just did!