Let's Face It: We're Grown-Ups

I'm not a kid anymore. It's a rather devastatingly obvious thing to realize. I'm married so that should give it away. This was the first snowfall where my first reaction wasn't to go out and play. I kept hearing people say they were stuck inside, and I admit, I joined in.(In fact, last night I reached my limit and it was like a monster lived inside me. My husband can attest to that)

But what happened in my life, and the lives of people my age, to make the coming of snow a reason to be shut off from the world, rather than a vehicle for adventure and that feeling of freedom that you had as a child. Not the freedom of being able to do whatever you want, or the freedom of no responsibilities. I'm talking about the inner freedom that I had that caused me to feel alive and utterly surrendered to the pure joy that came with sliding down a steep hill or the uniquely startling feeling of a snowball in the face! I've been thinking about this feeling a lot lately and how I don't experience it on a regular basis like I used to. It's the same feeling that you get when you reach the highest you'll go on a trampoline; that moment when it's like times freezes and you're suspended in air for a brief moment. When did I lose that?

I remember being a kid and, for the life of me, I couldn't understand why my parents didn't want to spend their whole day out in the snow. I didn't know what to think. They must not have had snow in the world when they were growing up because if they knew about it, why wouldn't they be out here?!

Since the snow has been here I've only gone out a few times, but not with the intention to play. Today that changed. Luckily Jax was here to be my snow buddy. We ran around for a bit and I threw snowballs at him (it's ok, he liked it). But then I couldn't remember what else there is to do. I used to spend hours outside, what did I do?! One reassuring thing was that it really wasn't as cold as I thought it'd be, kinda like when I was younger.

So we both laid down until I lost track of time. I was definitely experiencing snow in a way that I hadn't when I was a kid, but at least I was experiencing it. It was actually a great time. I was witnessing God's Presence around me. It was swarming all around me. I can't explain it, it's not as cheesy as it sounds. It was real. There was so much going through my head, it was unreal. There is nothing more creative on earth, than earth and all that's in it! Now, I know what this sounds like. It sounds like maybe I was out in the cold for too long, because that sentence doesn't really make sense. But it does! When I say "and all that's in it," I'm referring to the animals, the plants, everything natural.

As I was sitting there, I was watching all the life around me. I was looking at the snow. Think about it, that stuff is insane! There is so much beauty in the world, and so much diversity in it, I am in awe. I wasn't planning on it, but I got my camera and snapped a few pictures. I wish I could sit down with you and tell you everything that's in my head. Not even that, I wish you could understand what's in my head because I'm not good at explaining myself, especially when I'm speaking. I guess this is one way I'm still a kid: I look at everything for more than face value. I am blown away by the smallest idea, literally.

That's something I hope I never grow out of.  

"And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:17-19