I Am My Beloved's

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I never wanted to get married.

It was more than that; I despised getting married, having kids, and living your life with someone else in mind. That was not the life I had in mind for myself, not in the least. So you can imagine, after being with Jakub for only one month, and knowing that I had to marry this man (not as a duty, but as a I-can't-let-him-get-away kind of "had to"), I didn't know where I stood on anything. All I knew was that my life would somehow be better with him in it.

Thankfully, God had other plans for my life than I initially did. With each phase of life, he has revealed more of himself to me. His nature and his love sometimes can be most visible through interactions with others.
In the Bible, the relationship between God and man has been described through many contexts in which we can relate: Father and child, the Shepherd and the sheep, and among others, Bridegroom and bride.

As I've grown older and seen just how intimate and steadfast my parents' love has been for me and my siblings, I have glimpsed what kind of Father my God is. And now, most notably this past week, I have understood what it means to have God as my Bridegroom.

I'm not sure why, but this past week, I was not very lovable. In the course of our marriage, Jakub and I have been very good at resolving any issues and not letting disputes get in between us. For some reason, this wasn't happening. I was...well, simply put, not lovable ha. When we finally got out of that unsightly mess on the other side, I was fully aware of how undeserving I was of Jakub's love.

We were sitting in church and I was just in awe of how another human being could put up with me, call me his wife, and still want to be around me after all the attitude I was giving him. That's when I realized, God treats me as his wife. He is willing to walk beside me in life through all of the muck and grime that I bring his way. Even more so, he created the union of marriage to help us to see what his love looks like in real terms. God is love, and anything good or lovely that comes out of us is from God. He created us to compliment each other while still making our full satisfaction come from him alone.

If I had followed my plan and never gotten married, I would not understand the depth of love and commitment that comes with being husband and wife. I would not know that selflessness, respect, and submission should be an active part of my vocabulary, and that those actually aren't bad things. Marriage is not just some cliche reflection of God; through my trials and triumphs with Jakub, I have directly seen God.
If I could behave one way with a man, and he still give his all for me, how much more does God when I act the same way?! Marriage is a special thing. In this season, where I'm getting a full view of what I am on my own, it is ever more clear that God designed us not only to fit the other's needs, but to demonstrate the depth of his love and creativity.

Knowing that each step in life gives me a clearer picture of God, I anticipate all that God has in store for me. I certainly don't want to live by my plans!