The Encounter pt. 3: My heart

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 I had no clue what this whole weekend would be about until the first lady started speaking. I wasn't too concerned because I was just there for support, right?

"You've been holding onto things that you were never intended to hold onto." After the greeting, these were the first words out of her mouth.

You mean,  this weekend is for me? This weekend has to do with the journey I've been on for years but only recently been made aware of? Yes, I would even go as far to say that this weekend wasn't for Jess. It was for me, and my mom, and Cameron. That doesn't mean that her life wouldn't have been changed by everything that took place, but this was for us.
After this statement, which hit me like a ton of bricks, she started talking about our hearts. About how I am still the creation He intended, no matter how kicked around, stomped on, or dirty I got in the process of life. I hold the same value to Him that was given to me at birth.

She had two illustrations. The first was a big red paper heart. There was a table full of various dirty things: dirt, chocolate, etc. She pushed the heart into these things. She crumpled the heart up, she broke it, and she said that to Him, it's still a heart. And no matter if it's beat up, closed off, or dirtied by the mess of life, He still wants it. He still finds value in it.

To make it more relatable to us, she pulled out a $100 bill. She pushed it into the mess. She crumpled it up, and stomped on it. Then she raised it up and asked if anyone would still want this $100 bill. Everyone raised their hands. Why? Because it still had value. All the dirt and creases didn't make it any less valuable or any less appealing.

For some reason, when we get hurt in life, we tend to think we don't hold the same value, that no one would want us if they saw what was on the inside. So we close ourselves up. But God created us to praise Him and to open our hearts to Him. God wants to work for us and with us, but He can't if we're closed off. He's just waiting on us to open up.

"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in." -Revelation 3:20

He can give you a new heart but you have to take a risk, open your heart and let Him do what He wants to do. Being closed off isn't something you do only in your heart. It happens in your mind too. Your will can keep you from being open.

Satan wants you to close off your hearts, to live in your disappointment, with a victim mentality.

But the thing you have to realize is, what "was" isn't anymore. You've been delivered.
Then she gave a great way to picture it: When it snows, everything gets covered by it. It's like looking out on a big white blanket; all you see is white. This is what God can do to all of your hurt and brokenness, everything in your past. He can cover it all until you can't see anything but the "blanket of snow".
Satan wants you to think it's not all covered. He wants to keep you closed off from God.

Then we were supposed to take the paper hearts we were given and make a "model" of how we pictured our own hearts, whether that meant they were closed off, broken, crumpled, or dirty. Then when we were ready, we placed them in a treasure chest to represent giving them to God.

It didn't make sense to me until a few days later, why she started off with this. I wasn't going to be able to let go of all the things that damaged me until I opened myself up and allowed Him to do a work in me. I guess why this was so hard, was because I thought I was open to Him. I'm not one that feels like I need to keep things to myself. I've had a good relationship with Him, too. Yes, my heart was broken and damaged, but I thought it was at least open.

After this night, God was able to finally get to work. I opened the door and He didn't waste any time. The first step in this weekend was getting my heart ready. Seeing the state of it and knowing that despite how it looked to me, God wanted it.