A Sign of Hope

 photo via

I have a deep affection for butterflies. But don't worry, it's not because of the typical reasons: being a girl; that everyone else likes them; or how they look tattooed on a lower back.

No, my love is deeper and cheesier than that.

It all started when my mom heard a Martina McBride song called "She's A Butterfly". I must have been fourteen or fifteen. The lyrics made her think of me (who knew a country song was so relatable? ha) and so started her little nickname for me ("my little butterfly"). It was definitely a source of connection for us. I have to admit, at first I thought it was a little too cheesy for my tastes, that was during the height of the butterfly tramp stamp so you can understand....

However, my feelings toward this cheesy insect began to change when it kept showing up in instances where I was entering into the unknown.

I was in the hospital for pneumonia and two abscesses in my right lung. It was very serious and as a last result, I had to get surgery. I was terrified. They wheeled me down and while I was waiting to go to the operating room, with my parents beside me, I looked up and there was a large group of paper butterflies hanging above me. It honestly felt like God was saying, "don't be scared, I'm here and I'm watching over you and your family." I mean really, out of all the things that could be hanging on the ceiling, butterflies?! And I looked up right before I was wheeled away. I could've missed them...but I didn't. I was overwhelmed with peace and since that moment, butterflies have been popping up in the sneakiest ways with that little reminder in the times I need it most. It's not always during times of fear and literal "life and death" though.

On our wedding day, I was going to carry one of my great grandmother's handkerchiefs. We were so busy that day that I completely forgot until it was my time to walk down the aisle. When I reached the podium, I saw that my mom had placed it there for me and I was so relieved. Would you believe that that handkerchief had butterflies on it, something which I hadn't noticed before.

There have really been so many moments like this, that I feel that it's more than just a coincidence. It's like a short little love letter that lets me know I'm not out of God's sight and I just need to set my mind at ease because it will all work out the way it's supposed to.

I was reminded of this today. I was on my way to see a counselor for the first time and I kept second guessing and talking myself out of it, asking all the "what ifs" in the world. Would this counselor care? Would she get me? Is this really what I should be doing? What if this is a huge mistake and I don't get anything out of it except for an expensive bill? Where do I even start? I was asking myself these questions and many more in the waiting room and all the way up to her office, when she opened the door and right beside my chair was a beautiful white butterfly. I'm not making this up people! It always works its way into my circumstances in the craziest ways to get my mind back to where it should be. It whispers words of encouragement and peace into my whole being. I am loved. And this will work out! And would you believe, the counselor was everything I could have asked for! She is just what I need in this moment and I have complete faith that this is exactly what God has been working to get me to, especially in the last several months.

So if you're reading this ma, here's a walk down memory lane: