The Encounter pt. 5: Stepping Into Your Purpose

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After I gave God everything that had been holding me down, I thought that was it. I completed the end of that journey. I was overjoyed and so thankful to have gone through it. And I'm not just talking about being thankful for the last few months where I was discovering all my issues and such; I was overjoyed that every circumstance that I resisted, and then held onto, came about. This has happened to me more times than I can count, but this was the biggest culmination of bad-things-working-together-for-good that I have been a part of.

 Everything--every hurt, every fight, every mistake-- got me to this encounter. I'm not just saying that as a general thing like, "I have no regrets, because it has all made me the person I am today." No. This has a literal meaning, everything led me to this encounter. God showed me a sort of "time line" display of my issues as I was sitting in my chair at the church. Each one built upon the last until the weight was unbearable, which resulted in my depression (which, according to my counselor, was an extra large slice if depression were pizza ha). Then I was invited to go see Isaac's show where I took a small [giant] step of faith and witnessed God's presence as people prayed over me and spoke into my life. I started counseling. Issues with my sister kept getting more out of hand, which caused my mom to look to this encounter as a way to help. We got involved in two bible studies that coincidentally (which actually means by God's plan) directly hit on parts of my life, molding me and preparing my self to be malleable for what God would do this weekend.

I'm not saying God made the bad things happen in my life, but I know that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28)

Even though it has been a heart wrenching several years, I am elated to see it all come together. If it had not gotten as bad as it did, I wouldn't have been able to seeing just how beautifully and creatively God intertwined the events of my past (and future). It would not be as apparent to me, the depth of His love. Because let me tell you, it is deep and it is wide (just like the song you'd sing in sunday school) and it is a love unlike any other. He used it all to say, "see little girl, I knew what was going on, I was with you through all of it, and in order that you don't have to look back at it with negativity, I'm using it to show you just how deeply I care. Each thing that hurt you, you can now rejoice over. I held you through it all and though I wish you could have let go of it years ago, I'm bringing you to a place where you can do more than let go; you can find healing."

And even though this is what He did, He took it one step further at the encounter. He showed me that even though I had given it all to Him, I had to let go of the bitterness. I had handed it all over to him, but if I didn't forgive everyone (including myself) for everything, then it's like I just gave Him a copy of my problems and kept the original in my files so I could go back to it any time I wanted to.

When we nailed everything to the cross, I didn't realize that I was still bitter. I was happy and relieved, but if Helen hadn't spoken the message of forgiveness after that, I would've been pulling out my copy the next time something went wrong.

Even more than that, if I hold onto bitterness it keeps me from my purpose. It keeps me from being close to God. It keeps me from being able to receive anything He wants to bless me with.

She gave the example, "If a hypocrite is standing between you and God, then the hypocrite is closer to God than you are." Of course, you can substitute "hypocrite" with anything but it's so true! Because I had been holding onto bitterness, there had been a wall blocking me from being exactly where God needed me to be in our relationship. But let me tell you, the wall was bulldozed that day! There was some remodeling and it had to go!

We did this exercise where we would each talk to a leader as if we were talking to whoever hurt us. We would say whatever we felt we needed to say to that person, and forgive them. Really forgive them. Then the leader would speak back to us.

When it was my turn I didn't know what exactly to say, but then I started and began having some talks; I worked my way down the list and really, truly forgave everyone. It was nice to hear the things that I thought I always needed to hear from those people, but it didn't do as much as I always thought it would. The real joy came from being so lighthearted!

The best way to be the least effective Christian is to hold onto bitterness, fear, anxiety, and anger. The devil doesn't get intimidated when we're in church or things of that nature, He gets intimidated when we're walking in our purpose! So he will bring situation after situation to keep you tied down so you don't fulfill your purpose.

You have to let go of it! You have to start walking in your purpose, not only for your own well-being, but for the benefit of others.

"The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right." Psalm 84:11  He wants to bless you and lead you into your purpose, but He can't if you're holding onto things.

I can say this with total honesty: All the pains in my life have been a passage to my miracle! This weekend was a miracle! And now I'm finally open to walking in my purpose!

I so appreciate everyone for taking the time to read these posts of epic proportions! I'm just no good at limiting my mind or my mouth! I have just one more post that is connected with the encounter. It's a big one for me, and it came as a complete surprise to me, just like the rest of the encounter, and it was another reminder of how perfect God is and how deeply He loves me.